Hello, long lost blog!

I know, I know.. I'm a dead beat blogger. There's always something keeping me from updating this on a more consistent basis (blogspot.com denied at work, too obsessed with facebook when I'm at home.. or the fact that I had this posting typed up and ready to publish and I deleted it all[grrr]) but you gotta take what you can get. :) I haven't really updated it because I guess I felt my love life wasn't super exciting enough currently to blog about. There have been some guys, though, so I'll spill the deets on those:



*Went out on my last match.com related date with Mr Oak Park. OP was cool, cute, drove a fun car, wore Rock & Republics and listened to trance music - perf! We just hung out a wine bar and then went for some drinks elsewhere. We dished about past awful match.com dates and shared stalker stories over some mussels in white wine sauce. He was fun and we got along well, but no major sparks.. so it was no surprise to me that he never called again..nor did I call him. Peace out.



*My friend's boyfriend had been wanting to set me up with his friend for like 9 months before we finally met over St Patrick's Day weekend. We hit it off instantly, find out our dads are from the exact same super duper small town in Italy, had a drunken goodbye kiss in the cab, and exchanged numbers with plans to hang out again. We finally were able to meet for drinks a month later (he coaches high school baseball and was super busy with practice and games) and had a great time again. Drunken goodbye kisses were replaced with a big bear hug goodbye and he said he definitely wanted to hang out again. But every attempt to was thwarted due to his busy schedule. He swore he really did want to see me and he didn't want me to get the impression he was blowing me off. But once I grew extremely tired of waiting around and stopped texting him about hanging out, I never heard from him again. My real estate agent (who gets boy updates whenever we go condo-shop) definitely feels he was dating someone/had a girlfriend. High likely. Peace. Out.



*I had this year and half long crush on one of the residents at work. I had barely ever talked to him, but he looked like someone I had super liked before (Boston Boy, for those who know! lol) so I definitely thought he was cute. He had had a serious girlfriend, but she apparently wasn't around anymore recently (er, I guess she still is in a way - they share custody of their puggle. You heard me.) because my co-workers took it upon themselves to be matchmakers. It worked, we ended up all hanging out together one night at Country Night, he asked me to dinner, got my number and there was some smooching. Date Night went extremely well, we had dinner at my favorite Italian restaurant (Vivo!) and had a good time.. he even met my little sister and my dog afterwards. But....it perhaps was doomed from the start. The topic of religion came up during the date -I've never had a guy ask me what religion I was before!- and it may in part have been because he's Jewish. Now, I found out about this after my friends had already told him I had a crush on him and he had said he was interested in me.. and though I normally stay away from Jewish guys (because, come on, what are the chances you can really marry me? 'Cause this girl ain't the converting type), I still gave Dr Jew a shot. But then I find out he's an observant Jew and keeps Kosher (no pork, shellfish or anything with meat and cheese combined). Um...this is not looking good. I'm a big Italian girl, raised hardcore Catholic, and though I may not be super observant right now, I do ultimately want the big church wedding, to baptize and have First Communion for my kids, etc. If and when I move into my condo, I may even start going to church on Sundays again, since I'll be right down the block from Old St. Pat's. Anyhoo...this ended up fizzling out. Religion was the major factor, at least for me, but at times, I don't think our personalities really meshed well, either. We're still pals, though, so that's really good.



*The last boy is more of a potential boy.. nothing major has happened yet. Met him at Country Night, which was a bit awkward because Dr Jew was there as well that night! lol. I didn't think anything of this guy, who's friends with one the doc's at work, when he came in. We chatted a little bit, only because he looked out of place - he didn't really know anyone besides his friend he came with and turns out he doesn't really like country music either- and then we had a bubble gum blowing contest. But for some reason, whenever I was just people watching around the room and my eyes would just quickly scan over our table, I always found him looking at me and then found myself just staring back at him. lol. Yup.. we were making eyes at each other. The next day, I dished that I found myself oddly attracted to him.. and come to find out, he was asking about me as well. The only problem is he's 5 1/2 years younger than me. I've barely ever dated younger than me... and if I had, it's like 1 year younger. So, we'll see... it's been like a month since that one night, hopefully I'll see him at next week's Country Night... maybe I'll be a Puma this summer! (Puma is Pre-Cougar for all those living under a rock and don't know.)



In continuation with that, "24" must be my magical number this summer because my dentist was just trying to hook me up w ith a fellow patient of hers.. and when we looked at his chart to see where he lives, we saw he was 24 as well. What the heck! lol.

In addition to all this, I'm thinking that I might be starting to have feelings for one of my guy friends I've know for years and who, for the past year, has been professing his love for me and trying be get us coupled up. He's got a lot of qualities I want in a guy.. but he can be a really big drinker and after dealing with an ex who just drank a little too much, a little too often (and became a dick who fought with me and made me cry weekly), I want to steer clear of heavy drinkers. Who knows...he doesn't even currently live in Chicago and may or may not have a girlfriend right now. lol. I'm still simmering in my thoughts about this.. I'll let you guys know.



So stay tuned... I may be changing my blog to The Puma Diaries. ha.

Update

Sooo, apparently I have a faulty cell phone to blame for last Friday's downward spiral of events. Mr tall, dark and handsome's cell phone, to be exact. Apparently he had been calling and texting me all night but I received zero calls or texts.. and my phone definitely wasn't bunk, b/c I was sending and receiving texts from other people just fine. I did receive all his texts all at once at 2am. lol. So I don't feel bad about that situation anymore.. we are going to reschedule for sometime this week.
The other boy is still questionable. He did finally text me back hours later - he was tied up at baseball practice. He still hasn't asked me out yet, and I guess I could do the asking out but I'm already the one initiating the texting (I caved and texted him again today)...do I really have to do the asking out too? Me thinks this boy doesn't like me. I would really love to hang out with him, b/c I had such a blast with him last time and he's totally my type... but you can't force someone to like you back. We'll see...

Tut tut, looks like rain

What up peeps. So, I realize I've been very absent from blogging for quite some time and I don't want you guys to go through the day not knowing what to do with yourselves (I'd like to give a shout out to Amy, this one's for you, I don't want the boredom at work to kill you. :) And I also want to get your boyfriend to stop stalking my dating life. lol)
I guess the reason I haven't updated the blog was because there really wasn't anything super worthwhile to talk about.. and I was trying to figure out if what was happening was something I even wanted to blog about. So recently I reconnected with someone I went to school with a long time ago. We bonded over bad date stories and decided we should meet up for drinks. We had fun, so we met up again.. and this time I realized I was developing a little bit of a crush on my friend...and afterwards, I definitely suspected he was feeling the same way. It was exhilirating to have a crush again and he was definitely someone fun to crush over.. tall, dark, handsome, impossibly sweet and intelligent, knows everything and anything about music which I found incredibly sexy.... Well, we hung out for a third time and it was just a weird night filled with awkward silences, which really bummed me out and seriously bruised my crush on him. And as if that did weren't discouraging enough, we were supposed to have dinner tonight and I have yet to hear back from him.
In other potentally exciting news, my friend's boyfriend has been wanting to set me up with one of his friends literally since the summer. He has had nothing but good things to say about this guy and I've been excited about meeting him. Well, my luck changed and I finally met him last weekend. Although it was a little awkward for me at first to initate conversation, once we started talking, we didn't stop! I even found out his family is from the same small farmtown in Italy that my dad is from (weird!). I had a blast hanging out with him... and was pumped when we exchanged numbers at the end of the night. I was even more thrilled when he texted me the next day, saying how much fun he had and that we definitely need to hang out again soon. Hell yes we do! So I patiently waited for him to call or text me during the week......... yea, um... he definitely didn't. So, even though I was completely going to hang back and chill and wait for him to make the move (Lord knows you guys love the stupid chase), I gave in and texted him today... and I got a big fat nothing back.
I'm striking out here! Are you people happy you have your update now? LOL.
I am kind of emailing some dudes on match.com, which I decided to give another chance, but I dunno.. right now I have a big dark raincloud over my head. It's icky... I'm gonna go to my yoga class and sweat this out. I'm out.

I don't wanna smell what The Chef is cookin'...

So I thought I'd send an update about The Chef, since I know he had a few fans out there. A day after our date, I get an email expressing he had a great time, etc. I write back that I also had a great time and we should do it again. The next day, I get an email from him talking about our chemistry on the date and what did I think about it, what was my feedback on it and what are my honest opinions about it, b/c he thinks we had a little chemistry, not the whole lot but just a little b/c I only opened up to him later on in the date, but it's something he definitely wants to explore more, so could I let him know what I thought about it. I reread it like 5 times, thinking "what the heck?" Didn't I just tell him the day before that I wanted to see him again? So I just wrote back that I was interested in hanging out again. But I was semi-annoyed. I've never had a guy want to dissect our first date.. and now that I had, I wasn't really into it. It's too early for over-analyzation. That should come later and that's usually my job. ha. I understand he was maybe doing it to make sure my intentions really were to hang out again, but why don't you just try making plans for a second date? lol. So then we started trying to plan a second date. He suggests renting a movie.. and offers to lend a hand as I cook dinner for him. Um....wait, what? What if I don't want to cook for you yet? And a home date? Already? I dunno about you guys, but I'm a little weird about home dates. I'm just not really cool having a guy over and/or cooking for him if I'm not sure about him yet. If I'm shmoopie about him, I'll totally be grilling him steak and expecting a fabulous MO session! My first date with The Chef went well, but we didn't even kiss at the end. And actually, I found myself not even thinking about him afterwards nor did I get excited to see emails from him. The more emails I got, the more not-excited I got. Not a good sign. So, I got annoyed again about the home date suggestion and the expectation that I needed to cook for him. I reluctantly emailed back saying he could come over and I guess I would whip something up to eat. Well... then I get an email back, saying he has a revised pasta dish he wants me to make and well, if I didn't mind, he'd just come up with the menu himself b/c well he's just got all these food restrictions b/c he's on an elimination detox diet the next 3 weeks for inflamation (he's training for the Ironman.) Great. How about this-why don't you just cook it yourself?? At your own damn house. Was he really going to try and feed an Italian a "revised pasta dish"? I like my carbs. Correction. I LOVE my carbs. Don't eff with them. Sir. This elevated my annoyance level to the point where I grinded my teeth while rereading his email. I actually even began to question myself, thinking I was just being a big scaredy cat and was talking myself out of liking this guy, etc. But it was confirmed by several guy friends that I wasn't being retarded, he just quite possibly is kind of a tool. So I'm breaking plans with him. Sayonara, Chef Boyardee.

Will you be my Valentine?

Happy belated Valentine's Day, people. Hope it was spent well. My weekend consisted of 2 dates and my actual VDay was spent condo shopping and falling in condo-love with one place. Both dates actually went well, too, which is a big shocker! Here's the scoop-

Date #1 was Friday with the Chef and it was all a surprise for me. All I knew was that we were going to be outside at one point so I knew to dress casual and warm and then he had asked me if I liked chocolate and had a nut allergy. LOL! Needless to say, I was intrigued and couldn't wait to find out what we were doing. It was a day date, so he picked me up at 3 and we went down to the lakefront, walked around a little by the planetarium and then sat and talked while drinking some tea he brought and gazing at the gorgeous skyline of the city. Then after getting too cold, we went to his kitchen (he owns his own business and we had his whole kitchen to ourselves.) There, we made vegan chocolate truffles! So so so so good. While they were chilling in the fridge so we could fancy them up later with toppings, he put me to work dicing up veggies and then he made steak stir fry with rice noodles for dinner. There's just something about seeing a cute guy cook really well.... :) As we were sitting there at the work table in the kitchen, eating dinner and having a few beers, I felt like I was in a scene of the movie No Reservations. It was AWESOME. Plus, he was way cool and funny, which I got a hint of through emails..and the best part-he wasn't creepy. Not one bit!!! He also had gotten me a little Vday gift, which just consisted of items we had joked about in our emails. It was probably one of the most unique dates I've ever had. :) I'll be seeing him again, fo sho.

Date #2 was Sunday with River North dude and we just went out for drinks and apps. I was a little concerned about this one because his emails seemed ultra proper and polite, which is fine, but he didn't crack jokes or say anything silly, whereas I totally did... so I was scared he wasn't going to be any fun. But, I'm so glad I went and met him, because not only was he way cute but he WAS fun! He had me totally entertained with his stories but also asked a lot of questions about me. He asked if I wanted to hang out again, so I'll probably be seeing him again too.

So there you have it.. the non-creepy guys finally emerged! I was wondering if they were really real or just a myth. I've got a couple more guys to meet eventually, so stay tuned....

Bitter is the new Black?

I need to stop laughing long enough to blog about this text message I just got.





Ok... I think I've composed myself enough. So, everyone remembers creepy match.com date #2, right? I'll refresh your memory: 33 year old, just moved to Schaumburg, decent looking guy, our date started off good but took a nose dive pretty early on and continued to suck until I all but ran outta there later? He also: gave me a creepy back rub, would not stop molesting my thigh, kept leaning all over me, kept violating my personal space by trying to kiss/make out with me, kept flirting with the bartender, wanting to take her vegetarian ass out for freaking omelettes, kept staring at girls walking past our table, bet me that if I didn't answer his trivia question, I'd have to make out with him, telling me that along with match.com he was also on sugardaddy.com and the best of it all-kept repeatedly asking me to go home with him.. to SCHAUMBURG. Yech. I get the heeby jeebies just thinking about this date......

Well, anyways.. He's been non-stop texting me, stupid stuff like "are you not interested" and "what are you doing tonight" and "are you not interested" and "did you not have fun on our date" and "are you not interested", etc. As if the barage of stalker texts wasn't enough, he even called me once. I have not made any attempt at returning any of these calls or texts and I had even flat out told him if I'm not interested in a guy, I just will not return any of his messages. After 2 unanswered text messages after a date, I'm sorry, you gotta swallow your pride and bow out gracefully. So anyways, I couldn't have laid it all out any simpler for him, like this a CLEAR sign I'm not interested..... so after seriously 5 texts came and went unanswered, he sends this precious little diddy tonight:

"Ur not all that. U gained weight from your photos sweetheart. That's why I left early."

Bitter much? LOL. So, Creepy McGee, did you think this before or after you pleaded with me to go home with you to Schaumburg. Or repeatedly asked me to go on vacation with you to Arizona for our 5th date. Or do the rest of the creepy things you did all night that made me want to vomit on myself? Are you crying? Awww.. Do you want me to come hold you? Buck up, camper! Shit... I didn't like you, b/c DUH, you were hot creepy mess, and no one blames me one GD bit for not liking you. So why don't you go run to IKEA which is like right next door to your suburban little condo and go buy yourself a nice shag carpet to cry into and spare me the junoir high girl text messages. I mean, it's funny and all, I got a kick out of it, but really, it's just darn pathetic on your part.

I'm gonna go binge on roughly 10,000 calories so I can fake out more guys with my "skinny pictures"...lmao. Stupid....

You know you love me....

Yo yo yo. So I know you are all eargerly awaiting the next shitshow date story, but I have no dates scheduled for this week. I have a life outside of match, ya know. ;) I have been emailing a bunch of dudes, however, and will have dates coming up the following few weeks. After fielding a crapload of emails and enduring some pretty hideous dates, I've come up with a list of DON'Ts for all men out there. Ladies, tell me if you agree:

List of Don'ts (Please, God, DON'T):
1. Don't call me "cutie." I don't know why but I really freaking hate it. Someone just called me "cutie patootie." That calls for an immediate bitchslap.
2. Don't ever say "Heeeey yooou" when I answer the phone. The gayer the sing-song voice you use, the harder I'm going to kick you in the shin.
3. Don't ever ask "So.. you're cute.. why are you single?" It insinuates there must be something wrong with me, when in actuality, there is something wrong with you and the rest of your "kind" that I've been stuck dating.
4. If I don't respond to at least 3 of your calls/texts/emails, it most likely (100%) means I don't like you and am not interested. Please do not send me texts and emails asking why I haven't responded and asking if I'm interested or not. I'm the girl in this scenario, not you.
5. In continuation with above tip, don't ask me if you should delete my number from your phone. If you are even asking yourself that in the first place, then you should know you effed up somewhere along the line and it's done. Pleeeeeease delete my number.. CTRL+ALT+DLT that shit!!! Rapido, rapido!
6. On dates, do not ever flirt with other girls in front of me. It's not funny nor does it make you look so awesome, hot and wanted. It makes me wanna dry heave.
7. For the love of God, get off your phone and stop texting on a date, especially the first date. That's what bathroom breaks are for! I know you may be completely obsessed with your new iPhone and the million and one apps you can get for it, blah blah blah, but when I have to watch you look at it every 10 minutes like an obsessive freak, it makes me rage. Put. It. Away.
8. Here's a pretty simple rule concerning touching me on a first date: if I've made some contact first, like touching your arm or leg while telling a story or laughing or leaning close to you, you have full permission to touch me back. If I have not done any of the above, unwanted squeezing of my thigh, back rubs, hand holding and attempts to kiss/make out with me with completely backfire. Back it up, toots.
9. Don't end a first date by asking me to go home with you. I mean, really. Seriously. It's a big bright red flag that you haven't gotten laid in many many months (possibly years) and if I were absolutely stupid enough to go home with you, I would most likely get jackhammered for approximately 0.3 seconds. I'd rather go home, eat a couple bowls of cereal and watch Scrubs.
10. In continuation with the above tip, don't ever ask me to go home with you especially if you live in the burbs. That is 100% completely and utterly NOT OKAY.
11. Spare me the Hallmark card crap.. some guy wrote me this, in an email titled "Encounter with an Angel": If you held 11 roses up to the mirror, you'd be looking at 12 of the most beautiful things in the world. For the love of all things holy... NO.


xoxo

*Groan*

On my drive home tonight, the car next to me honked at me while we were waiting at a red light. They were driving like they might of been lost, so I rolled down my window to see what they needed. It ended up being two inebriated guys, their combined age probably less than 40, and the passenger seat guy asks if I have a lighter. I see this is way not what I thought it was, said no and started rolling up n my window.. but definitely not fast enough, because then I heard them ask "You want a piece?" Why do I always attract the population of guys who, if I ruled the world, wouldn't be allowed to procreate? *Goes to hide under her covers with her dog*

Nacho, pool, lounges and deflation

So I had another match date Friday night. And it actually went *drum roll please*- good! I don't really have anything negative to say about it, surprisingly. We went to a local pool bar, where we both horribly played pool, had a couple beers and bonded over Lost while sharing the best plate of nachos ever. He was cool, outgoing, talkative, funny and normal. It was refreshing. I wasn't blown away by him but I had a great time. Third time's a charm! We moved on to a lounge afterwards for more drinks and laughs. It was all good until I think he had one whiskey soda too many and all of a sudden went into makeout mode and started attacking me. Like I said before, I'm a prude in my old age and am actually okay if I don't even get kissed on a first date. I'd rather have a guy be a gentleman and respect me than be a hot mess who is drunkely all over me. So, it was a little annoying he was all over me but at least he was a good kisser. And he wasn't creepy about it either. We closed down the lounge and on our way back to my car, he starts asking if I'll go home with him, "just to cuddle" because he hasn't cuddled in a long time and misses it. Well, frick, so do I, but that's what overstuffed pillows and your dog are for...don't cry to me about that shit. I dunno who he thought he was talking to, but this girl has been around long enough to hear all the dumb crap guys will say to get a girl to go home with them. Just to cuddle, my ass. He finally accepted his defeat. So, that stuff falls into my mildy bad dating behavior but not a huge deal breaker. I'll probably see him again. The only truely bad part of the date was the flat tire I realized I had as I was trying to drive home. Luckily, the G.C. helped me change it the next morning, making sure I learned how to do it so I can do it myself next time.

Tonight, I had an epiphany and I kinda realized that I've been single for far too long.. and have actually gotten to a point where I've forgotten what it's like to lose control and give in with a guy I'm crazy about and have wild makeout sessions, etc. It's like I'm freaked to let anyone past my outer shell, which has gotten pretty thick. I'm hoping I only feel that way because I haven't met the right guy yet, it's just dormant and meeting the right guy will bring that back out of me. I kinda need the Cupid's arrow effect, where all of a sudden, I'm a smitten kitten about a guy and can't go a second without thinking about himt, getting overly excited if he calls me, etc. I've got several more guys on match I wanna meet, maybe one of them will do this for me.. if not, I may change the title of this blog to "Crazy Dog Lady in the City" and start talking about the latest sweater vest* I crocheted for my dog and the wild dog parties she goes to.

*If you ever see me crocheting dog clothes, slap the yarn and crochet hook out of my hands, break the hook over your knees karate kid-style and punch me repeatedly in the face. Hard.

Date Nights

So I had my first match.com date last week. I was slightly worried about it, since the guy only had one photo on his profile and that is a match.com Red Flag, people. Not only was it just one photo, but it was a photograph he had clearly scanned. But.. he seemed promising otherwise and we had a good exchange of emails. So I gave it a shot.. plus I had decided I was going to try and date guys I wouldn't normally date, because you never know. So we met for a drink first before dinner and when I walked in and saw him sitting at the bar, I kinda wanted to turn around and walk out, no joke. He was, to me, completely unattractive, poor guy. Plus, he was dressed like he was getting beers with the guys-sweatshirt, jeans, gym shoes. I wished I would known about the casual dress code, I woulda ditched the boots and skipped doing my hair. He was nice but we didn't really click, there was definitely no spark or chemistry whatsoever and he actually irritated me several times throughout the date. I had to resist the urge to flick him in the forehead multiple times. As soon as we finished dinner, we peaced out in our own separate directions, with our date only lasting a whopping hour and a half I was pissed because not only was I missing the Lost premeire but I also ended up with a $50 parking ticket. Dammit all!

My second match.com date went a little bit better.. well, at first. We met up earlier this week and right off the bat, I thought he was cute and thankfully he dressed appropriately for a first date. He was really talkative and outgoing and funny and I thought *gasp* I might be on a potentially awesome date. But don't worry, as soon as my enchiladas were served he was already ruining it. With wedding talk. This guy turned out to be a total chick wanting to get married, like, now. He had just moved out to schaumptom from the gold coast, trading in a life of bartending and late nights for take out and a movie on his new couch. I lost count how many times he mentioned how he was looking for "a best friend, someone I can marry and have a life with." He kept baggering me if I was ready for marriage etc and when I said I'm cool with waiting a little while before getting hitched, he said "just wait til you turn 30.. it'll all change.. it'll make you reevaluate where you are in life.. you'll see." He's talking to the girl who's planning her DIRTY THIRTY birthday party extravaganza for November which is including a trip to South Beach for some debauchery. Yea, I'll be crying I'm not married. HA!
I digress. So, he kept disappearing to the bathroom for 5-10 mins at a time, multiple times throughout the night.. what the heck was he doing in there??? Drugs? Texting? Hitting on chicks going into the girls bathroom? When the bill was paid and we were ready to go, he bolted from the table, leaving me sitting there all alone as I zipped up my coat and grabbed the rest of my stuff. What's up with the rushing, rudeness!?
We went to a lounge afterwards for drinks where we were the only customers for the first 45 minutes because it was only 830 and he proceeded to totally flirt with the bartender repeatedly, even commenting on how cute she was to me and how taking her out for omelets would be perfect because she was vegetarian. Really? lol. He also proceeded to check out girls who walked past our booth on their way to the bathroom. Awesome. Apparently, he was friends with the owner of the lounge, who came down from his office to greet us and who was so disgustingly gorgeous I couldn't tear my eyes off of him. But you did see me blurting out of damn HOTTTT he was to my date? ...maybe I should have.

I'm gonna take a moment now to remember his deliciousnes.......mmmmmm. Damn.

Ok, so anyways my crazy date did other annoying things, like lean all over me in the booth, repeatedly clamp his little hand down on my thigh, gave me a creepy shoulder rub, told me he was taking me to Arizona for our 5th date, repeatedly told me he was trying his hardest to behave as he looked at me like a hungry dog and then upon returning back from one of his long journeys to the bathroom, got right in my face for a kiss. Twice. Duuuude. Chill. He kept saying how "aggressive" he was.. I was ready to go "Aggressive this!" and judo-chop him. Maybe I'm just getting old-fashioned in my old age but I'm not all about that PDA crap on first dates. I want a guy to hang out with me, get to know me, be chill and cool and funny and wonderful. And a gentleman. My date then wants to start asking me trivia questions about baseball, and makes a bet with me on one question-I owe him a makeout session if I answer incorrectly, he owes me a drink if I answer correctly. Is this how he gets girls to MO with him? I was like "uh, I don't think so. I don't want to be forced to make out with you." He begged, but I politely told him in so many words to eff himself. And then I got the question right.
After the good-date-turned-outrageously-bad was over, I realize now that I must of been in shock because the badness of the date didn't really set in and horrify me til the next day. The only really good thing about the date were the 2 Carrot Cake martinis I had.. cream cheese frosting on the rim of the glass!!! Delish. Crazy pants texted me twice the next 2 days asking if he could take me out again. I hope my silence isn't too deafening. Maybe he's still in the bathroom and doesn't realize I haven't texted back yet.

Diving in the world of match.com

So, I started up on Match.com about a week and a half ago. Right away, I get winked at and emailed by this big beefcake guy who was way older than me but really hot, and despite my adversion to big muscleman/beefcake types, I decided to email him back and see what his deal was. Right away, he wants to talk on yahoo messenger. Alright, whatever... so we chat. And all we really talked about was how match was going and how I looked kissable in my pictures and he'd have to test that out. How charming. Then... he asks me if I can help him test something out on his computer. Oook.. sure. I end up with an invitation to view his webcam. Are you kidding me right now? So I accept but immediately feel awkward about it and want to flee from my computer. I just think it's so stupid and cheesy to be watching someone as they are staring and laughing at their computer screen. Then he starts joking that the strip show is coming later and I thought to myself "you may joke now, but you're dead serious, aren't you." After some more mindless chatter, he asks if I want "a peep" and proceeds to take his sweatshirt off. OMG. All I wanted to do was tell him how utterly lame I thought webcams were but before I could type that out, his takes his tshirt off too! I demand he put his clothes back on. -50 points, pal. Over the next couple of days, he sends me messages asking if I miss him (um, no, not at all actually) and when we talked on the phone once, all he had to say to me was "You sound hot." Boy, he just swept me off my feet.. no wonder he was single. He just texted me yesterday, after my not calling him back or replying to texts for a week, asking "hey, just wondering if I should delete your number." Yes, yes you may. Please delete it as fast as your little beefcake fingers allow.

What has lead me to this point.....

Hi bitches. Welcome to my blog. Glad you're here... you ready to hear about my dating life? It's pretty damn funny. :) I feel like I've basically been single all my 29 years of life, with a year and 8 month exception of one serious boyfriend. After that relationship ended almost 2 years ago, I've spent the better part of my time navigating the single world in Chicago. I thought once moving down here from the 'burbs, I'd be surrounded by young single awesome guys who enjoyed the city as much as I do and my single days would be over. I apparently didn't realize where I was going to be living...Chicago, as AMAZING a city it is, is quite possibly the hardest to date in. I'm not sure why that is.. but it's a rough one out there. But that doesn't stop me.. I'm an optimist and a romantic and am certain I will meet a man who will blow my mind one of these days.

I've recently given match.com a try, as two of my close friends had great success with it (i.e., they're now engaged to their match.com love matches!). I had tried it once before and went on 2 dates: date #1) guy was the biggest spazz you've ever met and embarrassed the crap out of me within the first 10 minutes of being in the bar; date #2) ended up taking me to the EXACT SAME BAR that date #1 did for dinner and then later tried to seduce me at his place by playing and singing along with Dave Matthew's "Crash" (wait, I'm sorry, did I not realize it was 1999?) and then tapping me on the shoulder before awkwardly kissing me. I quickly stopped after date #2 stalked me like a crazy girl, demanding to know why I wouldn't return his calls, etc.

Before match.com, I had the pleasure of having these dating scenarios:
*Meeting a minor D-list Chicago celebrity who was pretty damn funny, but who turned out to be a first-date ditching, raging a-hole.
*Several awkward myspace dates, like the one guy who was a Sox fan (that scores automatic cool points) but who's beer belly rivaled some of my 9+month pregnant patients' bellies (wipes out aforementioned points)(Yes, I will be that shallow, you don't see me sporting a massive gut!), a quiet guy who spent the whole dinner asking me 50 billion questions like it was a job interview and then giving me sass saying I'm not talkative enough, and a teacher who was fun but spent more time working out than any normal human being should.
*The best myspace date turned into an almost 2 month fling, but he was the flightiest mofo alive...he'd be all about me and then wouldn't call me all week- very annoying. Not to much the horrendous wall-shaking snoring and the wiggling <-you don't want me to elaborate. No really.. you don't.
*Actually being the aggressor for once and chasing a guy, only to have his kiss me like he was being forced to kiss his grandma on the lips.
*And the winner... a date that I got suckered into going on, which ended with me storming out of the bar after being drunkenly groped, then being chased down the street and cooerced into his car, screaming and fighting ensued as he drove me home, then me collasping on the floor of my foyer and sobbing unconsolably as I replayed the horror of the night.

That's all I can think of right now.. but isn't that enough? LOL. So if you found any of that funny or entertaining, stay tuned, because I promise there'll be more.