Friday, January 30, 2009

Date Nights

So I had my first date last week. I was slightly worried about it, since the guy only had one photo on his profile and that is a Red Flag, people. Not only was it just one photo, but it was a photograph he had clearly scanned. But.. he seemed promising otherwise and we had a good exchange of emails. So I gave it a shot.. plus I had decided I was going to try and date guys I wouldn't normally date, because you never know. So we met for a drink first before dinner and when I walked in and saw him sitting at the bar, I kinda wanted to turn around and walk out, no joke. He was, to me, completely unattractive, poor guy. Plus, he was dressed like he was getting beers with the guys-sweatshirt, jeans, gym shoes. I wished I would known about the casual dress code, I woulda ditched the boots and skipped doing my hair. He was nice but we didn't really click, there was definitely no spark or chemistry whatsoever and he actually irritated me several times throughout the date. I had to resist the urge to flick him in the forehead multiple times. As soon as we finished dinner, we peaced out in our own separate directions, with our date only lasting a whopping hour and a half I was pissed because not only was I missing the Lost premeire but I also ended up with a $50 parking ticket. Dammit all!

My second date went a little bit better.. well, at first. We met up earlier this week and right off the bat, I thought he was cute and thankfully he dressed appropriately for a first date. He was really talkative and outgoing and funny and I thought *gasp* I might be on a potentially awesome date. But don't worry, as soon as my enchiladas were served he was already ruining it. With wedding talk. This guy turned out to be a total chick wanting to get married, like, now. He had just moved out to schaumptom from the gold coast, trading in a life of bartending and late nights for take out and a movie on his new couch. I lost count how many times he mentioned how he was looking for "a best friend, someone I can marry and have a life with." He kept baggering me if I was ready for marriage etc and when I said I'm cool with waiting a little while before getting hitched, he said "just wait til you turn 30.. it'll all change.. it'll make you reevaluate where you are in life.. you'll see." He's talking to the girl who's planning her DIRTY THIRTY birthday party extravaganza for November which is including a trip to South Beach for some debauchery. Yea, I'll be crying I'm not married. HA!
I digress. So, he kept disappearing to the bathroom for 5-10 mins at a time, multiple times throughout the night.. what the heck was he doing in there??? Drugs? Texting? Hitting on chicks going into the girls bathroom? When the bill was paid and we were ready to go, he bolted from the table, leaving me sitting there all alone as I zipped up my coat and grabbed the rest of my stuff. What's up with the rushing, rudeness!?
We went to a lounge afterwards for drinks where we were the only customers for the first 45 minutes because it was only 830 and he proceeded to totally flirt with the bartender repeatedly, even commenting on how cute she was to me and how taking her out for omelets would be perfect because she was vegetarian. Really? lol. He also proceeded to check out girls who walked past our booth on their way to the bathroom. Awesome. Apparently, he was friends with the owner of the lounge, who came down from his office to greet us and who was so disgustingly gorgeous I couldn't tear my eyes off of him. But you did see me blurting out of damn HOTTTT he was to my date? ...maybe I should have.

I'm gonna take a moment now to remember his deliciousnes.......mmmmmm. Damn.

Ok, so anyways my crazy date did other annoying things, like lean all over me in the booth, repeatedly clamp his little hand down on my thigh, gave me a creepy shoulder rub, told me he was taking me to Arizona for our 5th date, repeatedly told me he was trying his hardest to behave as he looked at me like a hungry dog and then upon returning back from one of his long journeys to the bathroom, got right in my face for a kiss. Twice. Duuuude. Chill. He kept saying how "aggressive" he was.. I was ready to go "Aggressive this!" and judo-chop him. Maybe I'm just getting old-fashioned in my old age but I'm not all about that PDA crap on first dates. I want a guy to hang out with me, get to know me, be chill and cool and funny and wonderful. And a gentleman. My date then wants to start asking me trivia questions about baseball, and makes a bet with me on one question-I owe him a makeout session if I answer incorrectly, he owes me a drink if I answer correctly. Is this how he gets girls to MO with him? I was like "uh, I don't think so. I don't want to be forced to make out with you." He begged, but I politely told him in so many words to eff himself. And then I got the question right.
After the good-date-turned-outrageously-bad was over, I realize now that I must of been in shock because the badness of the date didn't really set in and horrify me til the next day. The only really good thing about the date were the 2 Carrot Cake martinis I had.. cream cheese frosting on the rim of the glass!!! Delish. Crazy pants texted me twice the next 2 days asking if he could take me out again. I hope my silence isn't too deafening. Maybe he's still in the bathroom and doesn't realize I haven't texted back yet.

1 comment:

  1. I love that you wanted to judo-chop him :) hilarious. And...thanks for reminding me why I got married :)