Saturday, January 31, 2009

Nacho, pool, lounges and deflation

So I had another match date Friday night. And it actually went *drum roll please*- good! I don't really have anything negative to say about it, surprisingly. We went to a local pool bar, where we both horribly played pool, had a couple beers and bonded over Lost while sharing the best plate of nachos ever. He was cool, outgoing, talkative, funny and normal. It was refreshing. I wasn't blown away by him but I had a great time. Third time's a charm! We moved on to a lounge afterwards for more drinks and laughs. It was all good until I think he had one whiskey soda too many and all of a sudden went into makeout mode and started attacking me. Like I said before, I'm a prude in my old age and am actually okay if I don't even get kissed on a first date. I'd rather have a guy be a gentleman and respect me than be a hot mess who is drunkely all over me. So, it was a little annoying he was all over me but at least he was a good kisser. And he wasn't creepy about it either. We closed down the lounge and on our way back to my car, he starts asking if I'll go home with him, "just to cuddle" because he hasn't cuddled in a long time and misses it. Well, frick, so do I, but that's what overstuffed pillows and your dog are for...don't cry to me about that shit. I dunno who he thought he was talking to, but this girl has been around long enough to hear all the dumb crap guys will say to get a girl to go home with them. Just to cuddle, my ass. He finally accepted his defeat. So, that stuff falls into my mildy bad dating behavior but not a huge deal breaker. I'll probably see him again. The only truely bad part of the date was the flat tire I realized I had as I was trying to drive home. Luckily, the G.C. helped me change it the next morning, making sure I learned how to do it so I can do it myself next time.

Tonight, I had an epiphany and I kinda realized that I've been single for far too long.. and have actually gotten to a point where I've forgotten what it's like to lose control and give in with a guy I'm crazy about and have wild makeout sessions, etc. It's like I'm freaked to let anyone past my outer shell, which has gotten pretty thick. I'm hoping I only feel that way because I haven't met the right guy yet, it's just dormant and meeting the right guy will bring that back out of me. I kinda need the Cupid's arrow effect, where all of a sudden, I'm a smitten kitten about a guy and can't go a second without thinking about himt, getting overly excited if he calls me, etc. I've got several more guys on match I wanna meet, maybe one of them will do this for me.. if not, I may change the title of this blog to "Crazy Dog Lady in the City" and start talking about the latest sweater vest* I crocheted for my dog and the wild dog parties she goes to.

*If you ever see me crocheting dog clothes, slap the yarn and crochet hook out of my hands, break the hook over your knees karate kid-style and punch me repeatedly in the face. Hard.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Date Nights

So I had my first date last week. I was slightly worried about it, since the guy only had one photo on his profile and that is a Red Flag, people. Not only was it just one photo, but it was a photograph he had clearly scanned. But.. he seemed promising otherwise and we had a good exchange of emails. So I gave it a shot.. plus I had decided I was going to try and date guys I wouldn't normally date, because you never know. So we met for a drink first before dinner and when I walked in and saw him sitting at the bar, I kinda wanted to turn around and walk out, no joke. He was, to me, completely unattractive, poor guy. Plus, he was dressed like he was getting beers with the guys-sweatshirt, jeans, gym shoes. I wished I would known about the casual dress code, I woulda ditched the boots and skipped doing my hair. He was nice but we didn't really click, there was definitely no spark or chemistry whatsoever and he actually irritated me several times throughout the date. I had to resist the urge to flick him in the forehead multiple times. As soon as we finished dinner, we peaced out in our own separate directions, with our date only lasting a whopping hour and a half I was pissed because not only was I missing the Lost premeire but I also ended up with a $50 parking ticket. Dammit all!

My second date went a little bit better.. well, at first. We met up earlier this week and right off the bat, I thought he was cute and thankfully he dressed appropriately for a first date. He was really talkative and outgoing and funny and I thought *gasp* I might be on a potentially awesome date. But don't worry, as soon as my enchiladas were served he was already ruining it. With wedding talk. This guy turned out to be a total chick wanting to get married, like, now. He had just moved out to schaumptom from the gold coast, trading in a life of bartending and late nights for take out and a movie on his new couch. I lost count how many times he mentioned how he was looking for "a best friend, someone I can marry and have a life with." He kept baggering me if I was ready for marriage etc and when I said I'm cool with waiting a little while before getting hitched, he said "just wait til you turn 30.. it'll all change.. it'll make you reevaluate where you are in life.. you'll see." He's talking to the girl who's planning her DIRTY THIRTY birthday party extravaganza for November which is including a trip to South Beach for some debauchery. Yea, I'll be crying I'm not married. HA!
I digress. So, he kept disappearing to the bathroom for 5-10 mins at a time, multiple times throughout the night.. what the heck was he doing in there??? Drugs? Texting? Hitting on chicks going into the girls bathroom? When the bill was paid and we were ready to go, he bolted from the table, leaving me sitting there all alone as I zipped up my coat and grabbed the rest of my stuff. What's up with the rushing, rudeness!?
We went to a lounge afterwards for drinks where we were the only customers for the first 45 minutes because it was only 830 and he proceeded to totally flirt with the bartender repeatedly, even commenting on how cute she was to me and how taking her out for omelets would be perfect because she was vegetarian. Really? lol. He also proceeded to check out girls who walked past our booth on their way to the bathroom. Awesome. Apparently, he was friends with the owner of the lounge, who came down from his office to greet us and who was so disgustingly gorgeous I couldn't tear my eyes off of him. But you did see me blurting out of damn HOTTTT he was to my date? ...maybe I should have.

I'm gonna take a moment now to remember his deliciousnes.......mmmmmm. Damn.

Ok, so anyways my crazy date did other annoying things, like lean all over me in the booth, repeatedly clamp his little hand down on my thigh, gave me a creepy shoulder rub, told me he was taking me to Arizona for our 5th date, repeatedly told me he was trying his hardest to behave as he looked at me like a hungry dog and then upon returning back from one of his long journeys to the bathroom, got right in my face for a kiss. Twice. Duuuude. Chill. He kept saying how "aggressive" he was.. I was ready to go "Aggressive this!" and judo-chop him. Maybe I'm just getting old-fashioned in my old age but I'm not all about that PDA crap on first dates. I want a guy to hang out with me, get to know me, be chill and cool and funny and wonderful. And a gentleman. My date then wants to start asking me trivia questions about baseball, and makes a bet with me on one question-I owe him a makeout session if I answer incorrectly, he owes me a drink if I answer correctly. Is this how he gets girls to MO with him? I was like "uh, I don't think so. I don't want to be forced to make out with you." He begged, but I politely told him in so many words to eff himself. And then I got the question right.
After the good-date-turned-outrageously-bad was over, I realize now that I must of been in shock because the badness of the date didn't really set in and horrify me til the next day. The only really good thing about the date were the 2 Carrot Cake martinis I had.. cream cheese frosting on the rim of the glass!!! Delish. Crazy pants texted me twice the next 2 days asking if he could take me out again. I hope my silence isn't too deafening. Maybe he's still in the bathroom and doesn't realize I haven't texted back yet.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Diving in the world of

So, I started up on about a week and a half ago. Right away, I get winked at and emailed by this big beefcake guy who was way older than me but really hot, and despite my adversion to big muscleman/beefcake types, I decided to email him back and see what his deal was. Right away, he wants to talk on yahoo messenger. Alright, whatever... so we chat. And all we really talked about was how match was going and how I looked kissable in my pictures and he'd have to test that out. How charming. Then... he asks me if I can help him test something out on his computer. Oook.. sure. I end up with an invitation to view his webcam. Are you kidding me right now? So I accept but immediately feel awkward about it and want to flee from my computer. I just think it's so stupid and cheesy to be watching someone as they are staring and laughing at their computer screen. Then he starts joking that the strip show is coming later and I thought to myself "you may joke now, but you're dead serious, aren't you." After some more mindless chatter, he asks if I want "a peep" and proceeds to take his sweatshirt off. OMG. All I wanted to do was tell him how utterly lame I thought webcams were but before I could type that out, his takes his tshirt off too! I demand he put his clothes back on. -50 points, pal. Over the next couple of days, he sends me messages asking if I miss him (um, no, not at all actually) and when we talked on the phone once, all he had to say to me was "You sound hot." Boy, he just swept me off my feet.. no wonder he was single. He just texted me yesterday, after my not calling him back or replying to texts for a week, asking "hey, just wondering if I should delete your number." Yes, yes you may. Please delete it as fast as your little beefcake fingers allow.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

What has lead me to this point.....

Hi bitches. Welcome to my blog. Glad you're here... you ready to hear about my dating life? It's pretty damn funny. :) I feel like I've basically been single all my 29 years of life, with a year and 8 month exception of one serious boyfriend. After that relationship ended almost 2 years ago, I've spent the better part of my time navigating the single world in Chicago. I thought once moving down here from the 'burbs, I'd be surrounded by young single awesome guys who enjoyed the city as much as I do and my single days would be over. I apparently didn't realize where I was going to be living...Chicago, as AMAZING a city it is, is quite possibly the hardest to date in. I'm not sure why that is.. but it's a rough one out there. But that doesn't stop me.. I'm an optimist and a romantic and am certain I will meet a man who will blow my mind one of these days.

I've recently given a try, as two of my close friends had great success with it (i.e., they're now engaged to their love matches!). I had tried it once before and went on 2 dates: date #1) guy was the biggest spazz you've ever met and embarrassed the crap out of me within the first 10 minutes of being in the bar; date #2) ended up taking me to the EXACT SAME BAR that date #1 did for dinner and then later tried to seduce me at his place by playing and singing along with Dave Matthew's "Crash" (wait, I'm sorry, did I not realize it was 1999?) and then tapping me on the shoulder before awkwardly kissing me. I quickly stopped after date #2 stalked me like a crazy girl, demanding to know why I wouldn't return his calls, etc.

Before, I had the pleasure of having these dating scenarios:
*Meeting a minor D-list Chicago celebrity who was pretty damn funny, but who turned out to be a first-date ditching, raging a-hole.
*Several awkward myspace dates, like the one guy who was a Sox fan (that scores automatic cool points) but who's beer belly rivaled some of my 9+month pregnant patients' bellies (wipes out aforementioned points)(Yes, I will be that shallow, you don't see me sporting a massive gut!), a quiet guy who spent the whole dinner asking me 50 billion questions like it was a job interview and then giving me sass saying I'm not talkative enough, and a teacher who was fun but spent more time working out than any normal human being should.
*The best myspace date turned into an almost 2 month fling, but he was the flightiest mofo alive...he'd be all about me and then wouldn't call me all week- very annoying. Not to much the horrendous wall-shaking snoring and the wiggling <-you don't want me to elaborate. No really.. you don't.
*Actually being the aggressor for once and chasing a guy, only to have his kiss me like he was being forced to kiss his grandma on the lips.
*And the winner... a date that I got suckered into going on, which ended with me storming out of the bar after being drunkenly groped, then being chased down the street and cooerced into his car, screaming and fighting ensued as he drove me home, then me collasping on the floor of my foyer and sobbing unconsolably as I replayed the horror of the night.

That's all I can think of right now.. but isn't that enough? LOL. So if you found any of that funny or entertaining, stay tuned, because I promise there'll be more.